The Enemy lines

Friends, he’s here. Ephantus finally sent his first story. We won’t rebuke the man for not showing up two weeks ago, right? To tell you the truth I had almost given up on him, at some point I became mean to him. After asking for the piece a third time, via text, he said he’s struggling with the writing. You know what I replied back? “Join the band wagon.” But I felt sorry for him later and told him to take his time. Thursday night he sent it. And what a time, I had nothing to post.
Welcome, Ephantus

Disclaimer: I’d like to apologize to you, the friends. I didn’t write when I had promised. I have been working like a bee ever since I first made an appearance, hardly having enough time. But I promise to do it whenever I can.

It’s no secret that Pamela, the devious maid of House Number 17 wants me in her bed. The worker fraternity doesn’t like her, apart from Pius who is forming a soft spot for her. Pam is a woman out to seek vengeance because I refused to give time of day to her obvious advancements.

But to understand this story you must first understand the good relationship I have with Richard-my mzungu employer. The same cannot be said about Yvonne though-his predictably slim wife. That woman wants to see me out of work.

My discord with Pamela started a few weeks after she was brought in by Yvonne. Everything was rolling smoothly up until Pam was dropped on us like a hot potato. She kept hinting at me. Sometimes when I was coming out of the shower she would be standing there, tactically stealing a peek at what I want to believe is my waistline. I didn’t like it really, partly because she’s about as attractive as a farmer’s gumboot, and partly because my heart rests with Eunice, Pam’s partner in the kitchen.

After what seemed to be an eternity Pam finally got the message, I did not want her in that way. As it turned out I had opened Pandora’s Box.

Now, there is a sacred covenant that exists between Eunice and I. She likes those boring afro movies that show during the day. When Richard and Yvonne are not around, I let her watch them when she should be washing dishes or something. I do those chores for her instead and in turn she stashes some extra Ugali in the fridge for me, and makes sure I always have a cup of tea during meals.

Pamela has made it her work to see that the Ugali goes missing.

Unfortunately, she overheard Richard telling me that he plans on leaving the house keys with me when he permanently moves back to Europe. After which I can do whatever I want to with it. My years of toil in this home are about to pay off. I have done my part here; I have built this boma to what it is now. I have opened the door to guests; I have hired workers, and fired the incompetent ones. I have drawn up meal schedules and served them. I have even enhanced security. I brought it two dogs some months ago, and took the pleasure of naming them: Tusker and Simba.

It’s my turn to eat.

Anyway, Pam is now spreading propaganda that I’m slowly stealing from the house, that I’m an impatient man who would do anything to see that my time to take over comes much sooner. I’m sure her plan is to finally get those silly ideas into Yvonne’s head. That would be the end of me.

Last week, in the evening, as I was heading to the open the dogs’ cage I heard Pam talking to Pius,

“After he has this house, what do you think happens to you? Wewe si wao, he will throw you out.”

Pius replied with silence, like he was considering it to be true, like that witch was making sense.

“Haiya, usiseme hukuambiwa,” she continued, “If you’re not careful those dogs will be sleeping better than you.”

Pamela hurriedly walked away when she saw me approaching. What followed next was an awkward silence between Pius and me. The way I know Pius, he was waiting for me to reassure him that our friendship is important. But I didn’t say anything at first, for all I knew Pam’s venomous tongue had done its damage.

I told him the whole story, to explain to him why Pam was raising a small army against me. A tiny smile drew itself on the side of his lips when I told him how Pamela’s eyes could penetrate through a bathroom towel. But the conflict was still written over his face, he didn’t know which account to believe.

As he was picking up the brooms to take to the store, I knew he was on my side, he said, “Huyu mwanamke anatuchezea sana.”

The way I know Pius, he isn’t going to forgive this wicked act.

Pamela has tried to pit enmity between us, and the battle lines have been drawn…



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