Boris: The one who got away

I loved it when she stroked my beard. She didn’t do it too often, just enough to keep me looking forward to next time. She had these long nails that cackled as they caressed my kinky beard. Then she would draw her face to mine almost as if to kiss me. But then she’d draw back at the last second leaving me with a stupid mouth, slightly open.

There were times I felt like she could read my mind. Sometimes I’d look at her from the opposite end of the class and we’d both start laughing, revelling in this shared telepathic joke. She challenged me. For the first time in my life here was a girl who I could see myself spending my life with. She intrigued me, peaked my interest. I was constantly trying to figure her out all the while feeling like I’d known her all my life.

Her name was Becky and she was my classmate.In truth, I had been taken by her since I first laid eyes on her. She was beautiful and she also exuded this air of laid back trippiness that had me holding my breath.

We’re all friends here so I’ll be open with you. I have this deep seeted fear of talking to beautiful girls. I usually get tongue tied in my attempt to impress and end up substituting stupid sarcasm for real conversation.

The first time I talked to Becky was no different. But what was different about her is that she replied with sarcasm to my sarcasm and we ended up laughing our  heads off.

Sarcastic fireworks.

She was easy to talk to and more importantly she was easy to not talk to. Because she understood that sometimes silence speaks loudest. Our conversations were long and ranging from best poems to best porn. We were friends first, I like to believe that was because I wanted to do it right but more likely it was because I hadn’t yet gathered the balls to ask her out.

We had sex three times. Each time better than the last. We started dating after the first time. We talked as I drove her home. I told her she was too amazing for me to be ok with being just friends. She laughed and said ‘Fuck you, you took too long’. That was how Becky became my girlfriend. Becky and Boris .

I always called her my girlfriend when we dated. Even when talking to her.
‘Good morning girfriend.’
‘Where are we going for lunch girlfriend?’
‘Want to smoke some education before lunch girlfriend?’
It felt so surreal. Having this person who you had feelings for. Spending days together, basking in her company. I felt like I finally had someone who got me and accepted me.

Looking back now I can’t really pick out the time when things started going south. Because it was all sun and roses until it just wasn’t. I started getting jealous of all the guys she hung out with. Small things started to irk me. The more I didn’t talk about it, the more passive aggressive I got. Then one day she pulled me into an empty classroom and shut the door. I had thought I was about to get lucky, I was mistaken. She said that she’d been feeling me getting more distant. She wanted to know what was wrong. I felt trapped. Sitting there, looking at her big doe eyes. Those deep  brown pools that I had got lost in so many times. I didn’t say anything. It was one of the loud silences. It stretched on and on as did her impatience.

She finally spoke.
“Boris do you want out?”
“No, I dont. I still think you’re perfection wrought into a female body.” I replied.
She smiled. That smile that I had fallen for.
“Then why are you being such an asshole?”
“I’m just dealing with some stuff.”
She walks up to me. Takes my chin in her hand and gently runs her nails through my beard.
“Are you ok?”
“Always when I’m with you.” I reply.
I’m seated on a table and she’s standing right there in front of me and I kiss her and take her in my arms. At that moment everything in the world is perfect. Because the world is made up of me  and her. At that moment all my self doubt, my foolish fears they all fade away somewhere away from this perfect place.

But that moment ends and soon I’m alone again in my room with time to think and over analyse things. And I begin to think to myself, why did she ask if I wanted out so quickly? Could it be because she wants out? She’s also been getting distant. It takes two to make distance. Kwani she just saw me getting distant and was like you guys go I’m too tired? Alafu that beard stroking thing. Am I a dog? That having my chin stroked gets my tail wagging?I could slowly feel myself beginning on the path to muck up my own love life but at the time I felt it to be of little consequence.

Time elapsed, little changed between me and Becky. Being so like me, she also resolved to pettiness and as you’d expect certain luxuries were withheld. We finally drove each other apart, well I should say I drove her away but who says the devil in the details?

I suppose I should take solace in the fact that our relationship ended much the way it had started. With both of us saying what we really felt in a car on Mombasa Road as I was driving her home. We admitted that we were way too alike. But she beat me on account of being a woman. She also admitted some things that I’d rather forget.

Long story short, we reached her place and I was ready to do the whole three point turn thing and be out of there but she asked if I wanted to go in for a night cap. I was confused, but I wasn’t in the habit of questioning sex.

That was the third time.

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